Hmm... It's one of those weird posts again. The ones Rachel likes doing to sort out her thoughts. Maybe she should start at the start. She likes Scott, more than he realises. Now whilst she understands that guys don't understand emotions (unless they're Chakotay... but then they'd be a make up character) she's frustrated. And who wouldn't be? So is she going to get things out into the open or not?

Everyone's gone to uni and she feels kinda lonely. She also feels as if she's the youngest again, and that being the youngest is bad. It usually doesn't make her feel like that, but everyone's grown up whilst she's stuck in a rut. Finding a job is evil, and because she was a lazy cow earlier in life she has no past experience, thus making it harder for her to find a job. But to get experience she needs a job. "Can you see the vicious circle I made myself?"

However, Rachel would like to say that she is starting to like her writing... Hormones are driving stories onwards, mostly frustration of not being able to get forward in real life. "The whole stuck in a rut thing."

She felt happy at the beach. She forgot about everything for a few moments, and just looked out over the sea and thought of nothing. Just how desolate the beach looked whilst being covered in seaweed and stones. She liked it. And she liked the chips. The bag, in her mind, smelt like scampi. She liked scampi, but she wasn't allowed it today. She usually isn't allowed scampi full stop.

"So, to recap. I am frustrated. I'm driven by hormones. I need a job (that pays kinda well). I want a boyfriend. I want scampi."

Rach xxx

Rachel went shopping today!!! :D She bought:

*A pair of pink shoes (like those flat girly trainers)
*A dress (pinky with sequins)
*Hair dye (cause she neets to do the tips again) and
*A sleveless top that says angels (in white, very nice)

She loves the shoes. They give her blisters though, so she has to wear plasters with them for now. The dress is very nice, she might wear it to her birthday picnic her parents are holding for her. But it is lovely. Not as nice as the black dress she wore to the Ball (she might wear that instead of the pink one) but pretty enough.

The top's comfortable on her too. It's tight enough, but not too tight to show things she doesn't want to show (like the stomach some could mistake for something else). And the sequins are pretty. She likes the glitter.

She also got some really nice shampoo and conditioner from the Body Shop. It's for greasy hair, so she's happy cause her hair gets greasy really quickly (which she doesn't like as she likes her hair down) She spent £20 in one day though. She felt guilty. Maybe it was because of the saving she did when she wanted to see Kate.

She did her legs this morning. She has five little cuts under her right knee, but the black dress she's wearing (the one from the ball) covers the knee. The white legs look quite dramatic, sticking out under black lace and strechy stuff of her dress. Her hair looks dramatic too, along with the brown eyeliner around blue eyes. But her hair looks like a bush, she needs to calm it, maybe straighten it. Nothing else works.

Rachel diesn't even know why she's writing in third person. Maybe she feels as if she wants to distance herself from something. She doesn't know though. Maybe she just feels a bit weird today. She connected with her mum, and actually had her dad nice to her, but she feels weird. Like anything could tip her over and make all the brown eyeliner run down her cheeks.

Has Kathryn Janeway been sad recently? Maybe it's because she doesn't feel like writing Kathryn for a while. Kathryn doesn't want to play with Rachel, which is really sad, cause Rachel and Kathryn usually figure something fantastic out...

Maybe Rachel wants to stay 17 forever. She doesn't want to be a grown up. She doesn't want to pay taxes, and have a stupid 9 to 5 job. She wants to break out... She wants to be kept safe.

She wants a guy... Maybe not a guy. Maybe a friend all her own, that no-one else could sway. That owuld be impossible though. Everyone has opinions. Maybe she just wants a hug...

"Just ignore this post. I'm feeling a bit down. Don't worry about me."

--- Rachel's writer xxx