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^--- Head on keyboard ---^

Nineteen. Whoop-di-freaking-doop. No one ever tells you what a let down your nineteenth is after your eighteenth the year before (obviously the year before but you know :D) because they don't want you depressed or anything... I mean, one card I got (from the aunt I hate) was something like, 'Birthday Girl, here's a great way of getting desperate men to your room' and before I opened it I knew I was gonna read too far into it and get pissed off. First, the use of the word 'Desperate'. As in, the only way a guy would go to my room was if he was [said word]. I mean, way to dash my happy feeling so early on in the day.

It helped Mark was here. :) He gave me a nice card (proper big and lovely) and three pairs of earrings and a nice (but too small! :D) ring. Lots of pretties from my pretty boyfriend. :) And mum went halfsies with me on lunch (cause we went to Pantri for lunch) and I got Conti's icecream (it's omg light and doesn't make you feel fat after you have a quarter of a litre of the stuff, which normal icecream would... They must have like less sugar or more milk or something cause OMG so nice!!!) and a choccy b-day cake.

Been so bored though. I mean, the highpoint of the day was mucking around with Mark, from then on it went downhill, going for a pit stop over at Grandad's then going for the full careening down the steepest hill imaginable just for it to level out and leave me with this full on borefest that I call my nineteenth birthday. I wanna go out on Friday just to celebrate the downer it was! I mean, my dad only took his three days of work off because of Jake (he's getting his results tomorrow), and because I begged him to not go to work today. I don't think it would have made much difference cause he was more excited about the prospects of my brother being the most intelligent being since Jesus or someone. I mean, it's not fair. The day before my results he hardly batted an eyelid, but Jake? OMG have to give all the attention to him cause he might win the Nobel prize for Physics or some crap.

Jake's allowed to go to uni if he wants to. Dad's activly telling Jake about the good and bad points of uni, repeating what Mrs Lewis Phys said about if Jake got a degree in Phys he'd be headhunted etc etc, and generally telling me that he'd help Jake go to uni because he'd be able to get jobs with his degree! I mean, what the fucking hell does that mean? I could get a job with my degree if I wanted. Ok, maybe not directly connected with English, but for fuck's sake, why the hell does he always see Jake as the good one? He actively resisted doing homework, did bugger all revision, and played on that fucking Gamecube all through study leave. I actually worked during my study leave, and did dad notice? Oh no, too busy having a life to actually care about his eldest daughter!

So yeah, not been a good day in some respects. I'm just glad it's almost over... I kinda actually wanna go to work tomorrow just to be out of the way of dad cause when something doesn't go the way he planned all hell breaks loose and I'm the one who's usually in the way. I told him at the start of the holidays that you get the results one day, then the next day you sort out the courses for A Levels and stuff (cause like, I had to go through with it by myself cause I had actually grown up), and that the IT course in school is only the half course over two years (and AS over two years I should say), and that Jake should do an extra AS course just in case, and my dad's like, 'How do you know?' I mean, one of my best friends was on that course and it was only a fucking AS course you idiot! I should know, I wanted to do it myself but was told it was only an AS not a full A.

I just want August out of the way so then I can actually think without my mother asking me everytime we're alone if I wanna go to college. I think she finally got the message when I told her (for like the millionth time) that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. She said, 'Well work for another year and see then what you wanna do.' That's what I was planning on doing anyways, but does she listen when I tell her that? No. Because she thinks I'm like Jake, that I have brains that go on forever. Just because I like playing about with my hair and Ruth's hair does not mean I'm cut out for hairdressing (pardon the pun). And whilst I can write, I'm not very good with the whole, Get your opinion across clearly, thing that unis like in essays. I don't even like working all the time (but no-one does anyways). I'm a person who gets bored easily, and the moment my concentration is destroyed I just don't get my mind focused again.

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^--- My head again ---^

Oh well, Friday. Mini piss up to get rid of the feeling that God does actually hate me and that he doesn't want me happy... Ever.

Rach xxx

Four days until I'm a year older... joyous...

Mark came over today. It was really nice. We watched two disks of Buffy, and chatted, and played, and he had dinner with us. Ruth got pissy that I wouldn't let her go in the car with us as dad was giving his a lift home, so when I got home I found her crying, and I said sorry but she was like, 'Just leave me alone,' so I've not spoken to her since. She's just got so pissy recently, especially when Mark's round (she's horrid to him, and it's pissing me off cause I want my family to like him... I think mum and dad do anyways, and I think my bro does, but Ruth is being a cow to him and it's really bringing me down).

RL friends on here, fancy a piss up on Friday? I wanna celebrate my nineteenth (and two days) on this 'ere earth with style and alcohol (cause when else can I? :D)

Tired. Sleep.

Rach xxx

Ugh... This is worse than yesterday! I've been up (physically out of bed) for about half an hour, and I feel like killing something to get rid of this pain!

Dad said I could have a fiver from the twenty quid he's getting. I can go and buy some disks!!! :D Maybe I'll redo the Gwen Stefani album... Maybe not. I just want some of my musc on CD! :D

Ugh, I'm off to get some paracetamol, eat some food and take my NSAID too.

Dad might be getting me 'Mosaic' on CD!!! :D He's a bit pissed off that I want Kate stuff for my 18th, and not something long lasting, but it's my birthday, innit?

Rach xxx